Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Do you need reasons to cheer up a bit?

Do you need reasons to cheer up a bit?
Are you a recent expatriate? Have you just arrived in your new location only to find out that you have by no means escaped certain annoyances that occurred on a daily basis back home? I mean issues such as: paying the bills, standing in lines, car repairs, meeting deadlines, endless meetings at work, and so on. Yes, this is life no matter where you live, where go and where you are right now.

However, to be very understanding, these issues can be especially tough when you are a newly arrived expatriate. Not only do you have to deal with all the daily events and routine, but you also have to manage a range of other expatriate-related realities namely; language barriers, visa problems, getting lost every other day, having to pass a driver’s test again, driving on the “wrong” side of the road, getting used to the food, not being able to get a decent cup of coffee and the list continues …

However, there is good news. Although the going may be tough, there are many upsides to being at this point of your life right now and there are reasons to be bright and cheerful. Let’s consider a few:

    * Strangers appreciate you for trying to speak their language. In fact they make you feel special for doing so.
    * How about those friends you met at the local tennis club? They help you with cultural information, make phone calls for you and are available for any Q & A.
    * People you barely know help you get the Internet hooked up.
    * Colleagues take the time to show you how subway system works.
    * Neighbors advise you on which grocery store to shop at and which markets offers great deals.
    * New friends share their best-kept secrets of favorite locals and drag you off for fun nights on the town.
    * The gym manager gives you a special membership discount as a way to welcome you into town.
    * Teachers at the Dutch, French or Spanish language classes have more patience than you ever thought possible for any human being.
    * People passing by on the street help you find your way around this new city.
    * Colleagues support you in meetings and help you understand the company policies and rules.

And so, before you know it, you are beginning to enjoy your daily life and you begin to feel that you are a real and integral part of the community. Actually, at the end of the day, it all comes down to getting out what you put in. If you really want to give your term in this new land a fair go and be happy while living abroad, you may just need to go out on a limb, take some risks, put some effort into your experience and live your life with positive expectation.

Give your host country a chance and open your eyes for all it and its people have to offer. Be prepared to live outside of your comfort zone and don’t compare everything to how it is done back home. You are in a different place now and if you make this place home and treat it like home and I can almost say with confidence, your new home will treat you back in more ways than you ever thought possible. You may not ever want to leave ...
Quote of the week

“Wondrous is the strength of cheerfulness and its power of endurance – the cheerful man will do more in the same time, will do it better, will preserve it longer, than the sad or the sullen.” Thomas Carlyle

CHEERY HAPPENINGS IN MY WEEK:

    * Free fruit.
    * Translation help.
    * A local public holiday.
    * A new friend.
    * Phone calls from home.

How was your week…?


Do you want to achieve fulfilment, success and true hapiness?
Are you in control of your destiny?

As you are reading these words, you may be thinking about and looking for a way to improve your sense of fulfilment, success and true happiness in your life.

It seems that some people nearly always attain success in relationships, business and personal fulfilment, while others in similar circumstances may do well, but never seem to reach the higher levels.

We often say they are "lucky" but I suggest that luck has nothing to do with it.

What does have everything to do with it are the following six factors.

They are the areas which every one of us need to improve in order to attain personal fulfilment, success and happiness. Which of these would you wish to improve?

1. Self-image.
 Your beliefs about your self affect how you feel and how you       appear to others. Your self-confidence and self-worth are the result of your self-image.

2. Self Control.
 The true fact is that either you control your life or you are controlled by it.

3. Creativity.
In its broadest sense it is the artist and the scientist within you, who solves your problems and brings new ideas.

4. Cooperation.
 No man is an island, and the successful person will be expert at communication skills, persuading and encouraging others to make his own and their shared goals come true.

5. Planning.
 It is said, that "If you don't know where you are going, you'll end up somewhere else".  If someone doesn't have clear and focused goals, they cannot complain if the "somewhere else" is not to their liking.

6. Concentration.
 Willingness to get going, concentrated effort, persistence and resilience in the face of obstacles -  all are crucial to success in achieving life goals.

Doing What You Love

What do you want to be when you grow up? I’m sure you were asked this question at least once when you were a youngster. When asked the question, did you have an answer at the ready, or did you need a few minutes to think about it? We all had dreams of becoming something great, like a fireman, a teacher, or a rock star, just to name a few. Well, how did you do? Maybe you never aspired to be what you set out to be or said that you would become. But then again, things change. The older we get, our tastes change, our view of the world changes, even our goals change.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned during my career path is to do something you love to do. Why is this important? I feel that if you enjoy what you make a living at, you end up being happy in more ways than one. Life itself becomes much more interesting and fun. You find yourself speaking passionately to others about your work. The experiences you have along the way become much more rewarding, and enrich your life in many ways. You meet fascinating people. I know people who have turned favorite hobbies into small businesses, and have succeeded. Sure, they may have had to sacrifice a steady paycheck for their happiness, but not one of them either turned back or gave up. Their passion carried them through to success.

While no job or business is perfect, the important thing is to enjoy it, even learn from it. If you are unhappy in your current situation, why not take steps now to change it? Somewhere out there is a job or business that is perfect for you. If you are already there, I applaud you. If not, realize that it may take some time to figure out what you really want to do, and even more time to actually get there. That’s all right! I can tell you from experience that finding and doing what you love is absolutely worth it, every step of the way. All of the research, training, and hands-on experience has made me a stronger, happier person. Feeling in charge of my own destiny…well, there just is no greater feeling.

Do what you love, and love what you do, whatever that may be. You’ll be happier for it, trust me. I promise you will never look back.

Don't Be A Slave To Your Things

Do you have things like a bicycle, jetski, or swimming pool that sit unused? Is it that you don't have time to use them because you have to work so much just to pay for them? Sometimes it seems like all the things we own somehow own us.

The bad news is that it's often true. We have to arrange our lives around our things. You get a new truck that can go anywhere, but you're too busy working to go there. Someone is out fishing while you are putting in overtime to pay for your fishing boat. You use your large-screen television a lot, but does it sufficiently reduce the debt-stress that came with it?

Break The Chains!

The good news is that there's a better way. Actually, there are three better ways. First, know what you really value. Second, use cash instead of debt. Third, learn how to look at costs and benefits.

Will you really enjoy that $2,000 mountain bicycle enough? Maybe. This isn't about right or wrong desires. It's a question of truly seeing your own values. Think back to things you've bought but not used, or not used enough. What truly enjoyable things could you do with that money if you had it now? You've got to be self aware and honest.

Cash is king. The price may seem the same, but put those things on a credit card and, with interest, you'll pay a lot more. Cash means you have to save and wait a little for things, but you can buy more and have less stress. Credit cards provide the illusion of a richer life. Escaping debt gives you the reality.

Finally, learn to understand costs and benefits. A friend once came to the realization, using pen and paper, that his jetski cost him $300 for every hour he used it the first year. Loan interest, gas, insurance, depreciation, repairs, licenses - these things add up. And he thought it was too expensive to pay $100 per day to rent one! Consider the real costs of things, and look for a cheaper way, or at least make an honest decision that it's worth $300 per hour to you.

Your things should be making your life better. If they aren't, you need to start looking at them differently. Don't let your things own you. Change your approach.

Don’t Be a Victim of the People Pleasing Quadrant
People pleasing can be a defeating habit in a person’s life, simply because the act itself  takes your focus off what you CAN control, and puts your focus on to what you CAN’T control, which is somebody else’s happiness and peace of mind. Here is a perfect example to illustrate my point:

If you buy your lover flowers, and they come home to tell you they just received a raise at work – the flowers you give them are just going to add to their joy, and you are going to have a wonderful evening.

However, if you buy your lover flowers, and they come home to tell you they just got fired from work – they may look at the flowers and give a quick smile just to acknowledge you and quickly go back to sulking – or worse, they may be hateful and yell, “WHAT GOOD ARE FLOWERS GOING TO DO ME NOW?!?!? ARE THEY HIRING FLORISTS?!?!”

Of course, this is common sense – but it is a perfect example of why people pleasing doesn’t work 100% of the time. You will never be able to predict what kind of mood anyone is going to be in all the time, simply because things will always happen outside of our control. Consequently, your happiness or misery is in the other person’s hands, which puts you into a very vulnerable position.

I have developed what I call, “The People Pleasing Quadrant” to broaden readers awareness of what people-pleasing is, and what to do once those people-pleasing tendencies rear their ugly heads. Quadrant means “four” which means there are four different situations you will find yourself in that you will need to develop strategies to combat your people-pleasing tendencies. The four situations are as follows:

Quadrant # 1: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people ALSO like or love you in return:

This first quadrant is the easiest to manage, because at least you genuinely like or love the person you are dealing with, and they like or love you as well. However, remember the example we used above about the lover losing their job and the flowers? No matter how much you like or love someone, or how much they like or love you, bad things happen sometimes. We all say things we don’t mean. The trick is to not take the people you care about personally, and feel responsible for “fixing” them. Let the person you like and love be hurt, angry, mad, and upset. It doesn’t have to affect your core happiness, although you can sympathize with the person and let them know you will be there for them, if they want to talk. Besides, this person cares about you – and they don’t want to drag you down, just because they are having a bad day. Give them a little space, and let things sort themselves out. Spend your energy focusing on more productive ventures, such as going for a jog to get in shape, studying for an important test, or reading a book that is of interest to you. People-pleasing is really annoying to people who like or love you already. They don’t expect you to make everything better, they just need some time to get over it.

Quadrant # 2: Dealing with the people you like or love when those people DON’T like or love you in return:

The second quadrant is oftentimes the most painful quadrant to come to terms with, regardless if it is about a “friend,” family member, or lover. Once in a great while, we can like or even love someone who doesn’t like or love us in return. We do everything in our power to be “good” enough, “supportive” enough, “encouraging” enough, “kind” enough, whatever enough! But somehow, it is never enough, and it never will be.

Once in awhile, these people we like or love are nice to us out of pity, guilt, regret or remorse – or because we are fulfilling some kind of need for them that they don’t want to give up. Don’t mistake their temporary kindness as genuine concern! Because honestly, these people don’t like or love us at all. It could be for a variety of reasons, but those reasons don’t have anything to do with you. The trick for getting over people-pleasing in this quadrant is to realize what quadrant these people belong in, and come to terms with the fact that they don’t like or love you. On the other hand, realize that there are millions of other people out here who would absolutely adore you. Realize that you are wasting your valuable and precious time with people pleasing, especially in this quadrant, because no matter what you do, it won’t matter. Just move on to someone who will like, love and appreciate the beautiful person you are.

Quadrant # 3: Dealing with the people you DON’T like or love when those people DO like or love you.

Most of the people-pleasing in this quadrant comes out of guilt, pity or personal gain. Although I must admit, it is really hard not to like someone who likes you, but you may be able to definitely see that the other person likes or loves you WAY more than you like
or love them.

I believe my grandmother taught me a very gracious lesson about how to handle situations in quadrant three. One day, a boy who just moved into my neighborhood decided to ask me out on a date. He really had a crush on me, and I could tell. However, I didn’t feel the same way about him. But I did enjoy all of the flowers, candy and attention he gave me.

At the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with taking whatever he was willing to give. But my grandmother pulled me aside and told me why it wasn’t nice to encourage gestures and lead a person on, especially when I knew his intentions. Of course, I liked him as a person because he was so sweet. But the truth of the matter is, he was wasting his time courting me when I wasn’t interested. Although I could have continued to use him, I went with granny’s advice and politely told him that I could no longer accept gifts because I was not interested in dating anyone at that time. However, we decided to be friends and did fun things together on occasion. He found a new girlfriend who truly adored him to pieces, and fell in love with her. The last I heard, they were planning to get married. The moral of the story is, he was a sweetheart, and deserved to find someone who liked and loved him. It would be selfish of me to stand in the way of that.

Quadrant # 4: Dealing with the people you DON’T like when they DON’T like you either!

A person will rarely find themselves in this quadrant when it comes to their personal life, unless it has to do with Ex-Lovers
or step families. Otherwise, you can just get up and walk away, which is why quadrant four is reserved mostly for the work place and figures of authority!

People-pleasing in this quadrant reflects suppressed feelings, and putting up with a lot of emotional, mental and verbal abuse. It can be because you are afraid of losing your job or
because you are afraid of the person themselves. In situations like this, it is always best to get a third party involved, because for one reason or another – you are forced to deal with this person, and they are forced to deal with you. Neither one of you are going to be able to compromise about a reasonable solution on your own, because both of you don’t care what is in the other’s best interest! There needs to be a mediator who can look at the situation objectively on neutral ground, and come up with a reasonable solution. Don’t be afraid to be the bigger person and ask for outside help. It is the only way the conflict will be resolved. In matters dealing with the family, it may be best to go to counseling, join a support group, or bring a person from the outside into the situation. Remember, your goal is to conserve energy, and focus on how you can change things, and make them head in a positive direction. Be a part of the solution, not the problem. If everyone else wants to wallow in their misery and problems, you can let them do just that. But you can choose something different.

In closing, when you eliminate people pleasing in your life for good – it is always great to have the awareness that you only have a one in four shot of really hitting it off with somebody special! (In case you were wondering, that one shot lies within people who are in Quadrant number one!) If you go into each situation expecting the best, but prepared for the worse – you will always come out on top. But most importantly, be yourself! There is no point going through life pretending to think and feel a certain way just to please other people. Besides that, you won’t have the opportunity to attract the people in your life who would really like or love the person you truly are!

Another tidbit I’d like to share out of granny’s little treasure chest of knowledge, wisdom and experience. She always use to say, “Rhiannon, there are three types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. But once in a great while, you will be fortunate enough to find a person who is capable of doing both.”

I hope this article will encourage you to be a person who can do both.

Don't dig your own pit

If you want to enjoy your life out of spending, enjoy if you have you have your own resources and money.

But don't enjoy your life by becoming a debtor to somebody.

Of course in the modern world, there are many ways and means, which force you to become a debtor.

Attractive advertisements in the satellite TV force you to become a debtor. It tempts you to buy the modern amenities at any cost.

Even though if you don't have any money or resources it show you many resources for obtaining credit to buy that product. But you must think thousand times before becoming a debtor.

In today's world credit is the easily available commodity. Numerous companies are waiting to pull you in their trap. They are competing severely to pull you in their trap.

But you must be careful to entangle in that trap.

In spite of this caution if you are prepared to enjoy, then you won't get any pleasure, but you will lose your peace of mind.

Let us discuss about the common desire of everybody. It is natural that every body wants to have their own house. It is a reasonable desire.

But the desire can be attained if you have enough money on your own to buy the house.

If you are an executive working in a company what will be your thinking?

You will ready to apply for some loan and buy that house. You have decided and applied for a loan also and the loan has also been sanctioned.

You will ask the engineer to construct the house with in the sanction of loan.

The Engineer on seeing the plan will say  "Sir, you are constructing house once in your lifetime, why such a low budget house, we can increase slightly your plan sir, it won't cost much only a 10% increase in your normal budget" he will tempt you.

By that time you will also have some Himalayan courage, and think why we can't adjust that 10% increase, ok we can adjust that 10% increase by obtaining loan from our relatives, and you give consent to the engineer's suggestion.

The Engineer will begin to build your house. The house is also going to be completed soon and only some finishing work is there.

You ask your engineer 'when can I take possession of the house', sir?

The engineer will politely tell you, Sir, there is a small problem, the problem is there is a sudden increase in the cost of materials, so I fear whether it is possible to complete the building what we have already planned.

But you are in the dream that the house should be constructed at any cost. So you don't bother about the resource to complete the house and prepared to arrange for the money required for completing the house.

What you will do. The next thing before you will be some bank balances available out of your savings and the jewels of your wife or your children.

So your savings, jewels will all go from you and fill the cashbox of another businessmen.

Your house will become ready finally. On seeing the house raised beautifully you forgot all the sources where the money came from to complete the house.

You will forget about the loan you obtained from your company.

You will forget about the loan you obtained from your relatives.

You will forget about the erosion of your savings and jewels.

All these will come to your remembrance only when the company commences their recovery for the loan you obtained.

All these will come to your remembrance only when your relatives need the money they paid.

All these will come to your remembrance when you don't have enough money in your savings account for your urgent requirement.

Then your mind will think about the resource to fill up the deficit in the family budget, the loan to repay to your relatives and for your urgent requirement.

You will get easy resource to fill up this deficit, because you are working in a company, getting regular salary, higher salary. Companies are ready to give credit.

You are also ready to get credit from another company to fill up the deficit.

So you are ready to close the small debt pit, and begin to dig another debt pit, which is little more in size than the first pit.

The same deficit pressure mounts after some time. Again you are prepared to obtain loan from another company.

Now you dig another debt pit, which is more than the size of first and second debt pit.

Like this you will go on digging pit after closing the earlier pit to overcome your deficit.

Finally at one stage when you see the remaining pit, it will look like a deep pit, which you cannot fill it up from any source.

So the ultimate choice before you will be to dispose off the house and fill up the huge pit finally stands before you.

You have also made arrangements to dispose off the house.

One person came forward to buy the house. Even though the rate offered by him is not as expected by you, you have no other option except to get the money and fill it up the debt pit.

The house was finally sold off and you got the money. But while working out the amount you have to settle to your debtors, you need some more money.

However with the proceeds realized out of selling the house, you have settled most of the debt and still keep some portion of the debt.

You have lost all your savings, jewels, and other resources and still you have to settle more debts?

Where all of your money has gone?

It is no secret, most part of your debt were for the interest.

The interest made you to close one pit and dig another pit and finally you was let with a big pit with most part of the pit were for interest.

This is a common plight of most of the families especially in the middle class peoples.

The reason is due to their mental capability to enjoy all modern amenities without knowing their economic capability.

Enjoying the life is absolutely necessary but it should be from our own resources. We can enjoy the life but not on obtaining debt.

We have to increase our resources to enjoy the life. We should find out the opportunities to increase our resources and then think about enjoying the amenities.

Emotional Baggage

We all have them. It has many faces.We carry them around us, We store them in the remotest part of our brain, in the deepest chambers of our hearts.We have them in our extensive database of memories. Some are so close  to the heart, it brings out tears at the slightest provocation. Others may feel anger, very deep resentments and may exhibit anti-social or antagonistic behaviours.

Shadows follow and haunt many, in their dreams or waking hours, in unlikely places, unexpected and intimidating. Uncontrollable anger that can lead to violence can explode without warning.

Others will live in denial and spend their lives disconnected with the real world. Some will find blame in everyone except themselves; it’s always the other person’s fault. What  about victims and the victimizers?

Many are lost searching for something, they can not identify. Something is missing. A mass of lonely faces line  the crowded streets, sit in public places, in schools, agonize through the day in the workplace, gather at churches perhaps to seek solace. Everyday.we see a vast sea of sad , depressed and unfriendly faces. Our roads are open avenues to lash out their frustrations, thus uncontollable road rage. Scary.

Emotional excess baggage demands a high price at times. There are those who succumb to the weight of this burden, it gets too much to bear. They find no further reason to keep up the fight. Life loses its  lustre, they find the world cruel, their existence meaningless.To them, the fight over, if there ever was one.

There are many who go through life like a driftwood,l et the current take them wherever, it does not matter anymore. Is our world this cruel?

What causes these emotional suffering?

Broken dreams, broken relationships, failed careers, lost hopes, betrayals, violations, childhood trauma, or other forms of trauma ,add to this health issues. Social disgrace, financial disasters, poverty and addictions cast deep emotional scars to the most vulnerable members of the family and society.

Is our fast-paced society to blame? Add to this the pursuit of material success, endless toys,gadgets and exponential advances in technology. Fragile relationships, weakening  family ties, unreasonable expectations of self
and of others add to the already overstuffed emotional baggage.Some carry  them for a long, long time.

All is not lost,if we take a moment to listen to our deeper needs, beyond the physical. There is a flood of information, organizations, professionals and other resources most communities offer. Deep  emotional  suffering is a critical
issue that can no longer be ignored, by society and by those who suffer. There is more to life.

Wisdom of the ages from different cultures and beliefs are revived or revised to suit the present psyche of society. It offers a holistic approach , involving the whole person’s mind, body and spirit.

The wonders of medical and scientific research are vast,although pill-popping is not always the best answer.

Take stock of the weight of  your emotional baggage .

Conceptions in Healing the Hidden Self

Conceptions in Healing the Hidden Self

Developing our concepts will assist us with conjuring up new ideas and perceptions that lead us to healing the hidden self. Through theorizing, shuffling, and developing new ideas we can change our view on life by changing our main beliefs and perceptions.

The common human must consistently maneuver through the healing process by re-training selves to think positive and seek success. Believing that you have the power within to success will assist you with approaches you will need to take to live a better life. You will react differently in each situation, which better decision-making will allow you to reap rewards.

Healing the hidden self and your self-perceptions will take you a long way to the success, since you will shuffle through your failures to avoid making redundant mistakes. Our inner self-perceptions are major influences in our life. We must endeavor to change misconceptions that lead us astray to ensure that we are developing positive self-perceptions. We must continue to attain more successes in our life. Healing of the hidden self and the way we believe and perceive will open the doors; typically, we may close in our own face. By changing the way one believes and perceives, it can help one to develop and grow into a well-rounded, balanced person.

Conceptions are our origin. From the start, we all develop ideas, notions, thoughts, etc from influences, impressions, observation, educational sources, parents, and so on. We develop hypothesizes and ideas from our understanding of the way we comprehend and perceive.

By understanding, our ways of learning we can shuffle through the mud puddles successfully, reform, and transform the mind. Still, behaviors and habits must be considered.

Behaviors and habits form from our conceptions, rather the influences that leave impressions on the way we perceive. The bible tells us that “Bad influences,” reflect on our personality and conceptions and ultimately can encourage bad behaviors and habits. Useful habits then must be developed through positive influences.

With this fact in sight, now you can work through healing the self by examining your influences. Think of the people in your life. If these people are not bringing something to your table, thus they are only hindering you from healing the hidden self. You must consider removing bad influences; otherwise, you may stay stuck in the same pattern.

Who are influences?
Influences are people, places, things, et cetera. Consider all the nouns and you will find the answer. Influences include effects, stimulus, inspirations, persuasion, manipulations, control, authority, pressure, weight, power, etc and all influences shape our personality. That is if we all them to.

When you examine influences in your life, also consider your environment. Does your environment hinder you in some way from achieving your goal to heal the hidden self? If so, then you must consider moving to a better environment.

Does your job hinder you from achieving your goal to heal the hidden self? Despite that, employees and employers may have a positive attitude that reflects on you, your job may have a powerful influence that affects your life. For example, if an artist is working in a Pop Shop, likely this person despite positive attitudes surround he will feel a sense of emptiness. Thus, to relieve the emptiness this person must explore his abilities, skills, potentials, etc and move to change his career. Only until the artist finds his purpose in life will he find a sense of healing of the hidden self.

We must also consider our main beliefs to adapt to new conceptions and ideas that assist us with healing the hidden self.

Conflict Resolution Tactics Inspired by Cats & Dolphins

Enlightening PERSPECTIVES on conflict resolution have been inspired in me by  sacred animals, Jessie Justin Joy , the feline teacher and dolphins. Does peace ever occur in the outer or is the idea of "peace" the ego's way of saying, my way? Perhaps peace has been here now eternally and is simply waiting for us to dissolve back into her-his arms in all circumstances."

     I lived in an apartment by the ocean for many years and often came home to a party of cats. Jessie the feline was very social and while I was away, cats would come in the cat door and hold gatherings with each other. I enjoyed the way the cats breathed in rhythm with the near by ocean. All immersed in unique and personal life tasks, each dreaming up a unique perspective, individually encountering different levels of evolution, the cats could sit comfortably together in harmony.

     Years later I was holding Unconditional Awakening Seminars as a therapist. I put a vase of flowers in the middle of the circle. If we each took a photograph of the flowers from where we sat, using the best of equipment, we would each have a different picture...all correct pictures...all lovely pictures. Can humans sit in circle and celebrate each others' individual perspectives without needing any of them to be right or wrong?

Humans may have trouble with simply witnessing each other in the awareness that there is room for each of us and that each of us is here now to be unique. The most harmonic sound I ever heard was many birds all chirping at once. Many species of birds sang in dissonance but in the dissonance was a harmony. In higher frequency awareness so it is with humans. Each in our own learning process, engaged in our soul purpose we emit a note. All the notes together are one beautiful chorus in the 13th realm.

Each animal, human and nature being is a Divine spark of One LOVE! When I asked everyone at the Unconditional Awakening Seminar to express gratitude the room jumped up to a very high frequency and everyone realized they loved each other by design! People practiced hearing and being aware of each other as gifts instead of advising, changing and trying to alter each other. That altering technique often used in conversation, is a technique of the mind, to get everyone to replicate the mind in one being. A more sure & pleasurable route to security and happiness is to choose to turn whatever you find inside your heart back into peace within yourself. Offer up a need for anyone to be any way and suddenly, all there is to experience is LOVE. All beings are gifts. The beings that appear to cause you distress are great blessings for they give you the opportunity to find deeper peace within, based only on PEACE itself. Turn your thoughts, your physical experience and your entire energy filed back into peace. Soon you find your body is a friend to your spirit, a devoted servant available for great peace and bliss. Next you find that your spirit is simply a devotee to the ONE SOUL LOVE: ALL THAT IS!

When in conflict with a loved one, a country, a religious order, your ,mind, a neighbor, your body or a professional colleague take these steps.

1) Focus on gratitude in your heart
2) Choose to BE JOY!
3) In place of a complaint, identify your request.
4) Identify what you essentially desire in one word (example: resolution, joy, peace, love, abundance, health). Most likely, you and your opponent desire the same thing but assume that the thing has to come in different ways.
5) Allow your essential desire to be more important that the form in which you first thought it  would need to appear. The universe has a plethora of ways to create what it is you seek.
6) Assume your conflict mate has appeared to give you an opportunity to be peace instead of impose your mind's idea of peace and this blessing of grace can potentially liberate you.

    Notice how the dolphins may play and  cats' may choose breathe together in all circumstances. As a dove, Jonah, once told me, "It's easy." To create peace, be peace.

CONTROL...who exactly is being controlled?

I was boggled as to what exactly I wanted to share with my article lovers tonight. I had a plan, then one of my members commented in my self esteem website. Well, in short, my mind would not let her comment rest. It was a sentence regarding, "CONTROL". Here it is:

 "If I can’t trust my spouse to keep their sexual promise to me why am I in this relationship? I don't ever want to "control" another person's life. I choose to believe in the promise until prove otherwise. Positive attracts positive." 

 My first thought was,"WOW"!  Does one really feel that they are controlling their mate?

 How does wanting them to just be with you, become a control factor?

 How does your wanting to be just the one, become a control factor?

 How does not wanting them to look, or talk personally to another person, become a control factor?

 How does making them feel like you are suppose to be the only thing on their minds, become a control factor?

 How does checking their phone logs, or their computer logs, become a control factor?

 Is wondering what they are doing at every minute, a control factor?

 Is questioning them on their every move, a control factor?

 Is going through their pockets, looking for anything that might lead you to believe they are breaching their commitment to you, a control factor?

 Is deleting messages, they may receive on their computer, a control factor?

 Is asking their friends about a certain night out, a control factor?

 Is tasting them with a kiss when they have been out, a control factor?

 Hmmmm, how many of these questions, or worries, have you been guilty of?

 I really have to wonder who it is, that is being controlled with these jealous worries? You or them?

  I totally feel that jealousy is controlling you; if you can say yes to half of these questions, it is controlling you in a very, very destructive way. You are becoming caught in a vicious circle. You will search, and through that search you are allowing yourself to be controlled each time you apply any of the above thoughts or actions.

 It's one of those "you are damned if you do, and  you are damned if you don`t" situations. To not question and search, you are left to trust and have faith and believe in your relationship. Trust is a hard thing to do when you allow weakness to control your thoughts. To become skeptical with your heart is a very long, lonely journey to nowhere. You have to allow your mind to rest and trust the one you have chosen to give your heart to. Yes it is risky, but that's what love is. Trust, believe, do not control, and most of all feel like you are that special person they chose as a life partner.

 There are going to be times when your partner will be involved with someone that may feel threatening to you. This is when your partner will know the line. They will know to keep their personals in tact. They will know that to cross that line will only set your relationship up for complication. Another good point that was made by a member of my website was this:

         "Most of us at some point are sexually attracted to someone other than our spouse but, it's whether or not we act on that attraction that defines our relationship."

AND

 "I have to ask myself though...is it reasonable to control my significant others' friendships, “just in case” they develop a sexual attraction?"

 This is when the line has to be drawn by both parties. "To be human is to error". I know that sounds like an excuse to fail another. It may be in some instances and it may not be in others. There are so many situations in life, that I can only generalize.

 Again, "CONTROL" is the word that comes to mind here. The control mentioned above, is of oneself again, but in a positive way. We choose to control that moment of  lust or interest; there are many words for it. The choice of control is really what matters in a relationship.

 The worry of "What if", will always be hovering. This is where our true commitment lies. It is through belief and trust.  Is it not sweeter to feel good about the,"US" in our lives? Is it not finer to feel that we can control the negative thoughts and only allow positive thoughts rule our actions? Well then take a positive, "CONTROL"  on your thoughts.

 Let your love guide you. Let your love show you the way to a life of smiles and happiness. Oh and HUGGZ. You all know I am big on those. Huggz are a very nice way to control ones body. It can send messages from one to another in the most pleasant way. So, why I ask, is that not something you would do every second you can? It's like someone saying, "OK, you can eat as much of your favorite food as you want and never gain a single pound". HA, like as if we would not all take advantage of that in this world of restaurants at every foot of the road, that are full every day . Think about that people.

 So, my question for you to think on tonight is," Do you want to be controlled by you, or do you want to control, you?  I will leave you with that thought to ponder and a couple more... HUGGZZZZZZZ plz!!

If you CONTROL your thoughts,

(your feelings come from your

  thoughts) then you control your feelings!

Create More Romance In Your Life

Ah, romance, that wonderful and exciting feeling, that most glorious intertwining of two hearts.  So intense, such a high, but so fleeting, and so often for so many once gone never to return.  But does it have to be that way?  Can we intentionally create and sustain more romance in our lives?

Most folks profess to want more romance in their lives.  Indeed, for some, romance is a goal unto itself, or at least high on the list of goals for their love relationships.

But if having romance in our committed love relationships is a highly prized goal, and if so many people want more of it in their lives, how can we create, cultivate, and encourage it?  What concrete steps can we take to make sure that romance takes seed and flourishes?

The purpose of this article is to explore the idea that romance begins in your heart-center and grows outward, and is, to some significant degree, a reflection of how you feel about yourself.  In other words, by romancing yourself first you can create the conditions that allow you to experience and express romance with another more easily.

Listen: your capacity to love and accept yourself is the measure of your capacity to love and accept others.  The same can be said for romance: your ability and willingness to create romance within is the measure of the romance you can help create in a committed loving relationship.

True romance isn’t just about flowers and poems.  Flowers and poems are great, of course, but are really just an extension of a feeling that comes from within, something that starts in, and flows from, the heart.  Without that heart-felt feeling, flowers and poems are but an attempt be to romantic, not an expression of true romance.

So how do you create more romance in your life?  Begin by romancing yourself.  Love, accept, and forgive yourself on a deep level.  Treat yourself with respect and understanding.  Buy yourself flowers.  Write yourself a poem.  Treat yourself with respect and dignity.  And remember: if you don’t love yourself first, you can’t truly love another.

And remember that it is far more important to be the right person than to find the right person.  Our relationships are a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.  Romance, too, is a reflection of that inner state.  By first creating romance within, you’ll be well on your way to creating more romance in your life.

Develop A Belief System That Works For You

It is interesting to note that most of society is free.  There is a percentage of the populous that is incarcerated for crimes against society.  So too, are there people who live in political cultures that do not value the freedom of its' people.  Nevertheless, the majority of the people in the world live in relative freedom.  They can choose whom they marry, what they do for a living, and where they live.  Most societies allow their people to move around freely without restraint.  As long as an individual is obeying the laws, that person has wide latitude in conduct.

    The freedoms offered by governments are physical freedoms that all its' law abiding members enjoy.  However, many operate in a “prison like” atmosphere regardless of what they are given.  This prison does not exist on the material plane.  Rather, it is a creation of the mind.  It is manufactured from an individual's belief system.  These beliefs become people's jailers.

    Most will tell you that they can think for themselves.  To suggest that they are incapable of creating their own ideas is met with an overwhelming attitude to the contrary.  All their success, experiences, and intelligence give a sense of independence.  They mistakenly believe that their belief systems is of their own making.  Unfortunately for them, it is not.

    A fundamental concept to creating the life that you desire is to create a belief system that works for you.  Contrary to what most think, our beliefs systems are shaped by the influences around us.  Teachers, parents, friends, co-workers, and institutions all have input into the beliefs that we live by.  Have you ever noticed how children's ideas often reflect those of their parents?  This is so common that political organizations poll school children during Presidential elections because they accurately reflect the sentiment of the adults.

    The governments of the world are masters at shaping the belief system of its' people.  Through the use of propaganda, public opinion is swayed based upon the desires of those in power.  This is often done in the name of nationalism.  A group of people is established as a threat to the society.  Events are shown to validate this viewpoint while creating the emotional dislike towards that group.  Thus, the government is free to act as it see fit with the full support of its people.  Unfortunately, most people do not have firsthand experience to form a solid conclusion.  Of course, they will defend their belief even though that are not certain where it came from.

    It is common for people and organizations to manipulate other's beliefs for the sake of control.  The government is one example.  Some religions throughout history has acted in a similar manner.  They used threat of an angry Deity and eternal damnation to control the masses.  There were numerous instances where the Church of England was the most powerful organization in Europe.  With a following that is under control, it is much easier to maintain influence.  Naturally, there are many denominations where this is not the case.  So, too, are their many people who's lives are enhanced by their religious affiliation.  Unfortunately, this is not true in all instances.

    The key to a belief systems is creating one that works for you.  As an adult, you have the freedom to believe anything that you desire.  Spending time questioning where some of your beliefs came from is healthy.  It is also effective to determine whether they still work for you.  If they assist you into being happy, joyous, and free, then they are worthwhile.  However, when they instill pain, perhaps it is time to rethink them.

    Ironically, the beliefs that seem to cause the most chaos in people's lives come from those who love us the most.  Many individuals suffer from psychological disorders due to the influences of their parents.  Things such as low self esteem, abandonment, and sexual issues all come from our upbringing.  Typically, one who suffer from any of these, was made to feel guilty and shameful.  Their worth was shown to be tied to their performance which never was good enough.  Mistakes were not forgiven but something to be used as a weapon to make the other feel worse.  All this was done as a form of control.

    Leap forward 20 years and you find that a person who grew up in this atmosphere often still carries these beliefs.  Even though recent experiences will prove to the contrary, the individual still hears the words of the parent.  It affects the relationships with friends, lovers, coworkers, and oneself.  Without some help, the person is often incapable of healthy interaction with others.  There is a degree of sickness in all that is done.  Thus, the individual turns to other things to fill that void that exists whether it is drugs, alcohol, sex, or food.  However, if the belief system was viewed as insane, the person might be apt to change it.  Simply altering a few of the basic beliefs one holds regarding oneself miraculously changes life. 

    The more that we can accept that it is likely that what we believe came from other, the better our chances are of attaining freedom.  There are many things that were taught to us by others growing up which serve us well.  This is especially true if we were raised in a loving home.  However, society being as selfish as it is, there is much that stands in our way of happiness.  Analyzing our belief system gets to the root of what motivates us.  A system that contains a great deal of fear will cause one to often act out of that fear.  The opposite is also true.  To create 'our' life, it begins with creating 'our' own belief system.

Discover a tried and tested way for you to achieve happiness in 2011.

Imagine being happy all the time. How would your life be different if you were happy all the time?

All of us want to be happy. In fact in most polls people say that they want peace and happiness more than anything else in the world. The problem is:  most of us are looking in the wrong places.

But all has recently been revealed thanks to a multi disciplinary team of six British specialists who span a variety of disciplines from psychology, psychotherapy to economics who embarked on an unusual social experiment.

Their unusual challenge?

What does it take to make residents of a town happy?

During their experiment in Slough, a commuter belt town, twenty two miles from the centre of London they discovered 10 “seeds of happiness”.

Ten things which when you do them all regularly will not only improve your life in your community but will make you happy and contented.

What are they?


•    Plant something and nurture it. When you water and feed plants they grow. When you water and feed the seeds of your interest- they grow.

•    At the end of each day stop and think how fortunate you are. Think of five things in your life that you are grateful for.

•    Make time to talk to your partner. Every week sit down for at least an hour and talk with your partner or someone you love. That’s one hour without answering the ‘phone or watching TV or listening to music. One undisrupted hour with your loved one.

•    Make that ‘phone call that you keep promising yourself you will make. Contact the friend with whom you haven’t spoken for a while.

•    Treat yourself. Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to really enjoy it. Be good to yourself. This simple act breeds; self confidence and positivity and happiness.

•    Have a good laugh at least once a day. Laughter helps to stimulate your immune system.
Research shows that laughter is important for people who survive a heart attack. It has been found that  people are less likely to have a second attack, need less medication and have lower blood pressure if they allow themselves to see and laugh at humorous situations each day.

•    Exercise. Make the effort to walk, run, jog, swim, whatever for half an hour three times a week. Guaranteed to reduce stress and make you feel good.

•    Every day smile at and/or say hello to a stranger. Smiling is not only good for the person receiving it also makes you feel good too.

•    How long do you spend watching TV? Research show that too much TV actually causes unhappiness. So make an effort to cut your viewing time by half.

•    Every Day do a good turn for someone.


Now it's down to you.

OUR CHALLENGE

Implement the 10 seeds of happiness into your life for two months and see the difference it makes.

It works.


Good Luck

Do What Feels Good And Find Freedom
A thought is an energy. Energy always wants to manifest itself.

Energy can not be stocked or blocked. It will get out anyway. If you do something to prevent your energy from flowing, it will find another way to express itself. If you do not follow your own energy, your intuition, if you swim against the stream of your own flow, energy will express itself in sickness, tiredness, depression, skin diseases, temper tantrums, agressiveness and other not so pleasant things.
So why not follow the road where your energy takes you? This is your road, your way!

Do you know the song “I did it my way”? Well, if you do things your way, if you dare being yourself, you will feel the energy.

As long as you try to be somebody else to please your parents, peers, husband, wife, boss, children, neighbours or whatever, your energy will be stuck.
Ok, you say, but won’t I become selfish, an outlaw, a social disaster by following my own road? No! You will become yourself. That is freedom : to be yourself.

See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly. As long as you try to be someone else, you are walking around with a costume that is either too small or too big for you. You don’t feel comfortable in it. And what else is, you “stole” a costume that belongs to someone else! That means you are not at the right place doing the right thing with the right people! You took someone else’s place, someone else’s costume!

How can you know if you are at the right place, doing the right thing with the right people? There is a very simple criterion to find out : the questions stop in your mind! This spinning machine in your head that was torturing you for years has just stopped by itself! You can feel it : you feel good, everything is “right”, your talents are asked for and you have the greatest pleasure to offer them to the those around you. Everything falls at his place. Questions vanish and make place for peace.

As long as you torture yourself with all these questions, it means you still didn’t find your right spot on earth. You are doing an activity that somebody else should be doing. And your “job” is getting done by someone else who is not at his right place either! You see? It’s like a puzzle : if everyone is at his right place doing the thing he knows the best, everyone would be at peace, filled with energy and health, and everyone would live in wealth.

Go searching for your right place. The moment you stop being harassed by so many questions and you feel your energy flowing in your veins, you know this is it! You are on your road, your road to freedom. This IS freedom!

Look for it, go for it!

Are You Getting in the Way?

Anger and Hurt; another lonely place!

Being human can really be challenging, to say the least. We feel emotions with every breath we take, every move we make. Some emotions are so sweet that we never want to lose that feeling. Other emotions cause us so much anger and hurt that we are paralyzed with pain.

 Our minds use anger as a memory of a hurt that we have experienced. The memory is usually due to the fact that we neglected to express our hurt at the time for one reason or another. We tend to not show our anger or hurt because we do not want to cause a conflict or hurt another's feelings or ever admit those feelings. We also hang onto it because once we actually show we are angered, we are showing we are not perfect and that in fact we are human and can feel pain.

 But if we continue to push away our feelings to protect our perfect selves, we become less real and less connected to people in our lives, without even realizing how  far we are pushing them away.

 Protecting another person from our hurts or anger is only imprisoning ourselves, so that they will never be able to reach us. If we do this long enough we cannot find happiness anywhere. When we are questioned why we are upset, we can not even find the beginning to the hurt we have hidden. The longer we hide our hurts and anger the more confusing they become. Things get all tangled up and if we dare try to explain, we are totally speaking another language.

 Have you ever been hurt by someone and then they make it impossible for you to explain why you are angered? Those people can do a lot of damage, they are controllers. When you can identify that type of person, only then can you fight back and tell them, "please just shut up and listen". If you want to be unhappy then keep hanging onto that hurt. It will definitely drag your self-esteem to the bottom.

 Hurt is a pain of the moment and it is happening right now. Its reason is right there in front of you. You must deal with it or you will only hide it and end up alone in your prison of loneliness. The longer you hold back, the more angry you become with you, for not acting out. That's when guilt moves right on in and takes over, making you  want to get even with that person. Your negative thoughts are seeded now and nothing feels good. Is this a good thing? NOT!!!

 It is definitely not easy to risk being called oversensitive, or told that you are just causing a fight, or they just laugh you off like you are a child. You may even find that this person doesn`t really care about you. Better to find that out asap, don`t you think? 

 These FEELINGS of hurt and anger have a way of taking over our lives. Is it not better to let it out now than to live in an unhappy life of silence?  Tell someone how you feel, when you feel it, or you will only lock those FEELINGS up inside you and trust me, you will lose yourself.

You may even hurt the one you love, but honesty is the best way. I believe that with a true love you should be able to tell that person anything and yes even if you feel hurt or angered by them.

 Love conquers anger and hurt. It battles jealousy and helps lift you to a higher self-esteem!

 To be truly happy and not endure the prisons of negative emotions, we need to be heard. We need to be understood. We need to be forgiven. We also need to be loved and cared for.

Are You Chasing the Elusive Butterfly of Happiness?

For many people happiness is an elusive butterfly in the garden of life. Imagine a young child in the garden on a summer day. The child sees a beautiful butterfly flitting from flower to flower. With eyes of wonder the child wants to see it close up, touch it, and hold it in their hands. The child goes towards the flower that the butterfly is resting on, with arms out stretched, only to find as he just gets in reach, the butterfly moves to another flower. Undeterred the child follows the butterfly to the next flower, and then the next, but the butterfly always stays just out of reach.


As adults, happiness can seem just like that butterfly, always just out of reach. It becomes almost an obsession and the words “if only…” become an increasingly large part of our thoughts and vocabulary. If only I had more money I would be happy, if only I was in a great relationship I would be happy, if only I could have a different job……….and the list goes on. Even if we achieve one of our “if only “desires, the happiness we seek is still just out of our reach. The truth of the saying “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” becomes our focus and perception. If this becomes our focus, we find that dissatisfaction and unhappiness increasingly keep growing in our life and experience.


The unhappiness within us can not be completely satisfied by external events or circumstances. To find happiness in life we must first be at peace with ourselves internally. External events and circumstances can bring us happiness in the moment, but they do not have a lasting effect on our inner self. Life experience brings a mixture of good and bad circumstances to everyone. To rely on life’s experiences for our source of happiness would mean living life in a constant emotional roller coaster ride.


Happiness comes from within. The inner contentment that survives the roller coaster ride of life has its roots deep within our being. The source of happiness comes from finding and embracing who we are as a person, and living a life of purpose. We need to find peace in every aspect of our life- the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. To discover acceptance, purpose and peace in all of these areas will give a sense of completion in life. If we neglect any one of these areas, we experience a sense of emptiness and feel something is missing. There is not a solid foundation for building happiness within, but we then, typically start to try to fill this incompleteness by looking for outside solutions. That is the point when we can fall into the ‘elusive butterfly’ syndrome, and experience such frustration.


Is happiness an elusive butterfly for you? Spend some time in quiet reflection. Are you neglecting one of the four important parts of who you are and experiencing a sense of emptiness within? The more you discover, embrace and accept your uniqueness and purpose, the more you will experience the butterfly of happiness alighting on your shoulder.

Are You Getting in the Way?

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I'm certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else's life.

The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don't give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people's lives. Sometimes, we're so caught up in our own struggle that we don't think we can even afford the time to "give" our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded.

We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn't even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we'd give up too much by helping.

So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one "little thing" that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don't know well or don't know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural.

Are You Worried? 4 Steps to Peace of Mind

A friend has this quotation on his office wall: "I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens."

I think I must believe that, because I worry a lot -- and about the most insignificant things. I worry about the big things, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. But I'm also liable to fret about anything and everything that finds its way into my consciousness.

Because I spend so much time on worry, I've decided to embrace it with a personal research project. Maybe you'd like to join me.

Here are two avenues I'm exploring:

1) I practice catching myself at it. "Hey, I'm worrying again." During a recent morning swim, I caught myself worrying 10 times during one lap! I'm not kidding. On rare days when I don't have anything to worry about, I find something. What I've learned is that worry is a mental habit. I can change habits; I've done it before. There's hope.

2) My second approach is to practice presence. By this I mean stopping my thoughts. In my workshops, I ring a bell to help participants practice centering. The quieter we are, the longer we hear the bell. There's a lovely moment when we all listen . . . until the ring is barely audible . . . then just a memory. I relish that moment of quiet before my thoughts re-engage. There is no future or past, just Now. No worrying thoughts -- no thoughts at all. It's a peaceful place, which is why I stretch the moment. I want to strengthen the connection to something greater than my worries.

3) When I told my good friend Rosie about my worry project, she told me about her approach, which is to do one of three things: decide to address the issue right then; if you can't do anything about it at the moment, give yourself a time to address it later; or decide that it is not important and let it go. In other words, act on it, file it or throw it away.

4) Finally, one of Rosie's favorite worry stoppers (and mine) is to sing. Connect with your self, your creativity, and the place where everything really is okay.

Awareness and acknowledgment are the keys to changing our habits. Morihei Ueshiba, who founded aikido and spoke of it as the Art of Peace, said we must "always practice the Art of Peace in a vibrant and joyful manner." Perhaps my research project on worry will help me to lighten up, smile, and live each day in such a way.

Are you worrying? Stop your thoughts for a moment. Listen to the sounds around you, pay attention, and be present to this key moment. And smile . . . for no reason. You may find that's the best reason of all.

Can You Say Yes To Happiness?  11 Practical Steps You Can Take To Make It Really Happen 
 Think about it ... every single thing we do is intended to make us happier. 

And yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that actually move us away from this goal.

We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives, and the result of all these choices combined, determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.

Here are just a sampling of some of the tactics we can employ in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness: 

1. Look For The Positive In Everything:  There is an old saying that nothing is inherently good or bad—what makes it one or the other, is merely your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, how ever bad it may seem to others.

2. Accentuate The Positive:  We all grow up with a “positivity imbalance”—the result of society’s norms and rules being based on restriction and punishment more than approval and reward.  From a young age we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is more negative influence that positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance. Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input, whether it is the daily news, or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons…make sure the positive ones are pushed more than the negative.

3. Practice Good Selfishness:  When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. It is good to help others, yet we should have boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.

4. Listen To Your Feelings:  All feelings are good. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, often through smoking, drinking or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, avoid distracting yourself, and identify the reason—there is some need not being met.

5. Give Of Yourself:  The more you give, the more you receive. There is probably no scientific study proving this to be so, but unconditional giving is hugely rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can. Give anonymously, even if you lose the tax deduction!

6. Make It Happen:  You have the ability to make things happen using your mind. Top sports stars, and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this; one of the common methods is to use visualization—getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not actually have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the entrance as you arrive at the supermarket or mall … the sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilizing this tool, so it takes practice.

7. Accept The Things You Cannot Change:  We resist things we don’t like, and often expend a tremendous amount of energy on this resistance. Whilst this can be good, and has resulted in tremendous advances through history, we should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Rather use the saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that you should complacently accept anything. If you truly desire change, you should work towards that change; but spending time worrying about something without actively working to change it is unproductive and damaging to your wellbeing.

8. Take Responsibility For Your Choices:  Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of choices you make (or don’t make). It is easier and convenient to blame outside causes for things that go wrong in life, but your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way—sometimes that choice it to let somebody else make a choice on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life, but it is really quite liberating because instead of seeing yourself as an effect of outside forces, you realize you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Don’t abdicate responsibility for your life.

9. Schedule Regular “Self Time”:  Spend some time analyzing where you are in life, your strengths and weaknesses. How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything from your job to global warming and the existence of aliens—then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.

10. Make Time To Meditate:  We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer, but it could be as simple as merely focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or ten minutes, dismissing past and future thoughts as they arise—and they will!

11. Remove Your Limitations:  When we fail, usually the reason is simply because we don’t believe we are able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is actually false; the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us are able to do most of what we really want to do … you just have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.

The more successful you are at assimilating the concepts and processes described in these eleven points into your life, the more genuinely happy you will be, and the happiness will last!

Change your mind and the rest will follow!
 

Change has a very negative connotation for most people. On a deep emotional level we are creatures of comfort and we automatically seek out that which feels good in the moment. We long for comfort and this usually comes from that which we know; that which is familiar to us. Once we can comfortably deal with and "know" all the "unknowns" we can "relax" – because your nervous system and your mind is designed to find and attach a meaning(s) to everything and therefore something new is always a confrontation between that which is and that which will be in your mind.

The unknown is always something that your mind and your nervous system has to "unravel" afresh and this very process feels uncomfortable on many levels. When something becomes comfortable you get used to it as you remove all the "unknowns" and your automatic behaviour can take over again. Our nervous system works primarily by conditioning and by repetition we notice and assume patterns that are consistent. This system is really there to serve us in helping us being more efficient and to be able to do more, more efficiently. Your mind is designed to always look for the best way. Through repetition we learn certain orders and sequences in which things happen and we learn to recognize and respond according to these sequences. Every emotion you experience, for instance, is nothing but the result of a sequence of events and reactions triggered by your unconscious awareness that generates and creates the actual feeling which is nothing but a sensation in your nervous system.

To change anything you must first of all become aware of these patterns. You must become aware of what goes on under the surface of your conscious awareness. This is not difficult and everybody can do this. You need not understand everything about the human nervous system to use it. Simply be aware of the fact that there is a part of you that responds and acts "automatically" based on your past experiences and associations. The challenge is to go from one pattern, one that does not serve you, to one which does. You quite literally would have to change your mind in that you have to change the way you perceive yourself and your life. Doing things differently will feel uncomfortable at first, but you can rest assured that the "uncomfortable" will become "comfortable" as you start to form new associations and new patterns of association.

The process of making the "uncomfortable" comfortable or making the "unknown" known is the way we grow as human beings. What you are comfortable with represents your comfort zone which includes all the experiences that you can comfortably deal with. If you don't expand this "zone" then you simply won't expand yourself as a person. The need to grow and become more as a person, is a deep emotional need that all humans have. Without growth you simply won't be happy. All growth, although it feels uncomfortable in the moment always feels immensely fulfilling in the long term and it is this feeling that we all really crave for; the feeling that we call "good". You can do something that feels comfortable and "good" in the moment by staying with what you know, but true fulfilment comes from pushing beyond your comfort zone and creating a sense of pride in yourself. Growth means change and change involves risk and risk is the process of stepping from the known to the unknown.

The truth is that all of life is constantly in a process of change. Nothing ever stays the same. It is the nature of all of life, including you. Even if you do nothing life will still change. For you to progress, you have to decide to consciously initiate and create the change. You have to consciously put yourself in the uncomfortable place where you can grow and as you do this you progress. Progress is by choice while change is automatic. To be in control of your life you have to consciously choose to change and to keep changing yourself to become the person you want to be. 

All change starts with a change of mind. You have to start by changing your thoughts about want you want to change. In changing the way you think about something you immediately change your perception and consequently the way you feel about it. When you change the way you feel you change your behaviour and that is how you progress. Constantly trying to change behaviour will rarely create long term and lasting change. Change your mind and the rest will follow! If you don't change then you simply won't grow and if you don't grow you are not really living.
Choosing Happiness
Ever heard someone say,”…so-in-so is great, but I’m just not happy?” Or have you ever wondered why you just couldn’t seem to find happiness? Read on to learn how you can choose to be happy.

Happiness is something you have to “choose” to be. A person could have all the money in the world, and still be unable to acquire what it is they really want, and ultimately remain unhappy. A person could be surrounded by all their friends and loved ones, and still be lonely. And, a person could have to eat bugs to survive, in a cold, wet prison cell, and still be happy to eat those bugs, and happy to be alive.  This person has gratefully accepted their surroundings, and has found some good or greater meaning in it, making the experience more pleasurable. This person chose to be happy with what they had, by being mindful of the moment, recognizing the potential it may have.

Getting into the habit of being happy is easy. The first step is learning to appreciate your blessings, seeing the good or greater meaning of things. This requires that you become more aware of your five senses. How else could the smell of freshly baked cookies cheer up your woefully dreary day? How else could the faint sound of your sleeping child’s breathing ease you into your own peaceful resting state? We need to use our senses to become more aware of our surroundings, and accept them. It’s then that we can change our surroundings to become more pleasing to us. This could include some small, but significant changes, like placing candles by the bathtub, or buying a special lamp for your reading area.

Scientific research suggests that colors play an important role in one’s moods. Light green and orange seem to make people feel happier, whereas red makes them feel hungry. Many people have been hiring interior decorators as part of their strategy for feeling better, as interior decorators have studied colors, patterns, layouts, etc., and they use these factors to create a comfortable living area, tailor-fit to your needs. Just remember to research your interior designer, and be frugal. The positive effect that redesign brings, needn’t be boggled down by guilt from over-doing it. The idea is to do things that make you feel good. It won’t make you feel good if you overspend, or overindulge. But it will make you feel good if you shopped around, and you got the best deal, completely fitting all your needs.

Again, awareness is the key to happiness. After you have become aware of yourself and surroundings, you can choose to be appreciative and happy.
If you would like even more self-improvement information, please visit my site listed below.

Positive Attitude Secrets

"Secrets of a Positive Attitude"



Are you constantly bombarded by thoughts of negativity? Plagued by feelings of insecurity? Do you see everything in a negative manner? The reason for this lies deep within your heart. You are what you mentally and spiritually eat. If a person drinks alchohol on a daily basis, odds are their body will be affected in some way. They may have liver issues, develop cancer or incur some other type of health problem directly related to the amount of alcohol they have consumed. In the same way, a person who constantly feeds themselves negative thoughts will simply turn into a negative person.

This is the time to go on a diet. A diet of positive attitude food. You have to literally stop feeding your mind negative things. Ask yourself is this thought negative or positive or negative? What do negative thoughts look like? Well, they start with can't rather than can, no as opposed to yes, will and not won't. The Bible which is the greatest self help book ever written, speaks about taking every thought captive. The problem in our society has become that our thoughts have taken us captive. We have begun to let our thoughts control us.

A great way to know what we are negative about is to ask those people who are closest to us. You can ask your spouse
or another person in your life who really knows you how they would rate your attitude on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 being super positive and 1 super negative. Ask this person to be totally honest with you. You will benefit from their honesty even if it causes you pain. Ask this person what it is that you specifically say that they perceive as negative. Write down what they say and look at the actual words. Now is the time to be honest with yourself. Those words are a reflection of what is inside you. They are who you are. The great thing is that you can change. It is as simple as making a choice to do so. You must decide to replace the thoughts of negativity with thoughts of positivity. Decide what words you will change the negative words on your paper to. Once you have done this, make an effort to insert these new positive thoughts in your mind. You will begin to notice a positive change taking place in your life. Your family, friends and co-workers will all notice it as well. They may not know what is different about you. But they will know that you are not the same person that you were.

The items which are causing negativity in your life could very well be the news, movies, constantly replaying tragedy in your mind and the list could go on. These things should be eliminated if you want your new mental health regimen to be a success. The news is very negative and does not help someone who is trying to rid their mind of such thoughts. When you are feeding yourself thoughts of death from a war or gunshot or car accident visually the outcome will be negative. I do believe there is a time to grieve over the death of a loved one. However, if a person constantly replays this negative event in their minds it can lead to depression. The person who has passed away is not coming back and we must close that chapter in our lives and move on to the next chapter. This is a difficult task which can only be done by making a decision to proceed with our own life, no matter how hard this may be.

You can do it. You can and will have a positive attitude, if you simply take the steps outlined above. You do not have to be what you were in the past. You can be different in the future. The choice is yours. I know you will make a positive one.



"The Inside is What Counts"



This article will deal with what is on the inside of us. Who we are on the inside, seems to show up on the outside no matter how hard we try to hide it. You have no doubt heard of people wearing their hearts on their sleeves and this is because what is in our hearts are some deep emotions. You can be the best actor/actress in the world but if you are hurting inside you are in bad emotional shape. You can mask your pain with a smile or a laugh but that pain is still there. You can not make that pain disappear with alcohol or drugs it simply returns when the narcotic is out of the system. Medication will also need to be constantly taken if one is on anti-depressants. Why? Because the heart itself, what is on the inside of every single person on this planet is never dealt with. God speaks of people who honor Him with their lips but their hearts are far from Him. God knows what is inside of all of us. The choice can be to run from who we are. To pour ourselves into various addictions to get away from who we are. We must however deal with who we really are if we are to move past any pain in our lives.

Before my darling mother passed away, she uttered the words it is time to move on to my wife and I. Those words were very hard to hear but they still ring true today as I am reminded of them when I reflect back on my last days with her. I could have chosen to stay in the emotional state of numbness that I was in during her last days on earth or proceed to keep all the great memories of my mother in my heart and enyoy the rest of the time that God has given me on the earth. The choice was mine. It was a difficult one but one that I believe that all of us must make when it comes to dealing with who we are. If I chose to stay in a state of numbness and deal with it by working too much or withdrawl I would too busy focusing on myself. I would miss out on spending time with my amazing wife and daughter and I would never be able to get that time back.

Take a look at who you are inside. Talk about the pain with someone you can trust and move on. You can do it. You must do it if you are to be the very best that you can be. Choose not to live in the past because you will miss the very future that God has planned for you.





A Gold Medal in Love


Five-time gold medal-winning figure skater, Jenny Kilmer, has won the women’s Olympics since she was 16. At 36, she is attempting to win her sixth straight gold medal. Kilmer has been blessed to have such fame and fortune with sporting equipment endorsements and TV contracts. She has gotten everything that he has set out to get, except for one thing: love.

Love is what has been eluding her. She has had many relationships, but none that have transpired into anything beyond just a relationship. Her latest relationship with Scott seemed to be destined to the same scenario.

Since two years old, Jenny’s life has been all about skating. Her intensive training has obviously paid off professionally because of her gold medals, but personally, even her trainer, Yon, cannot stand to be around her. It was five days until the Women’s Olympic medal competition.

Yon asked her, “Do you think that you’re gonna find that special guy like that girl did in that movie, ‘The Cutting Edge?’” he said in his Russian accent. “You are ten times the spoiled brat that she was.” “Absolutely,” said Jen. “I’m Jenny Kilmer. America’s Sweetheart. Every man wants me.” “Until they get to know you,” Yon retorted. “But they get together in the end.” “Actors get together in the end, not skaters!” “Whatever, Yon.” “You know I am right. Scott is on to you like the others. You don’t need anybody. No one is gonna tell the great Jenny Kilmer what to do! What has it cost you?” “Allright, allright, Yon.” “Have you not learned anything about love since we’ve been working together? Since you were 16? When it comes to love, you still talk like a 16-year old. Your mother and your father are at their rope’s end with you. Your agents put up with you because you make them money.” “Why are you still here, Yon? You can coach anyone you want. You’ve got your five gold’s with me. What’s keeping you here?” “I want to see you come full circle. You’ve got nothing more to prove in skaing. The pressure is totally off of you in this Olympics. I am partly to blame for you being the way that you are. I have pushed you too much for too long.” “So, what are you saying?” “I have made my dreams into your dreams and I am sorry. I want you to win the Gold Medal…in love.” “But, why are you saying this now? After all this time?” “Scott loves you with all of his heart. Do you remember when you broke your ankle two years ago at the Nationals when you tried the quadruple lutz? He went on to the ice and carried you off. He doesn’t care about your skating. He cares about you! He cancelled a multimillion-dollar building project to be with you for two weeks after your injury. He lost dollars after dollars for his company, got demoted and risked getting fired for you. He slept in the chair in your hospital room for two weeks! That’s love! Scott is one of the greatest things to ever happen to you and you cannot see this. You are headed to becoming a bitter old maid! You’ve got another half-hour till practice is over. Skating- it’s what you’re best at. Go on!”

For one of the first times in her 36 years, Jen Kilmer was silenced, but not without tears of sadness and despair. She could not stop crying…even after practice ended.

The next day, Kilmer fell time after time attempting to do a quadruple lutz. Very few skaters have ever successfully done the quad lutz.

Yon coached Kilmer, “You are not falling because you don’t know how to do the quad lutz. You are falling because Scott has not called in a week.” “What else am I gonna do, Yon?” Kilmer asked. “Call him again and apologize to him – for real this time. At least you’ll know you’ve tried. If you don’t see him again, so be it.”

The day of the Women’s medal event arrived. Several of Kilmer’s competitors had subpar performances, which eased the pressure even more for her. Still…her pressure was not on the ice. She could probably do a very safe program and still win the gold.

Jenny and Yon were in the locker room. Kilmer was stretching as part of her warmup routine. She spoke apathetically to Yon. “Scott’s not gonna show, Yon. I’ve pushed him away like all the other guys before him. I’ve been the biggest bitch to him. He put up with so much of my crap. I won’t be able to show any of my children my gold medals because there won’t be any husband to start a family,” she said confessingly as she started to cry. “ I AM gonna be a bitter old skating commentator for some TV network and I’ll smile my typical smile and show to the world that Jen Kilmer is the happiest woman in the world. I’m such a phony.”

Kilmer’s name was announced on the public address, which meant that it was time for her two-minute warmup before her program.

Kilmer skated gracefully and confidently as usual. She was a skating legend. In her mind, she was just going through the motions. She nailed some practice double and triple lutzes, which she could do in her sleep.

As she skated toward her coach, she formed a puzzled look on her face. Yon was smiling and laughing next to a man who had his back turned to her. Jenny braked and as the man who was laughing with Yon turned around.

“Scott,” Jenny said straining to say his name. She was finally able to get her breath. “Why? Why are you here? I thought I lost you.” “That’s what Yon thought too until I called him,” said Scott. “You called Yon, but you didn’t call me?” “Don’t push it.” I love you, Scott,” she said. “Thank you for being with me after I broke my ankle. You’ve always been there for me and I’ve treated you like crap. Like I told you on your message-phone, I am so sorry.” “All is forgiven, my dear. You can thank Yon for it.” Kilmer smiled at her coach. “I’m doing the quad lutz. And I’m gonna nail it!” “Are you insane? If you wanna win a sixth gold, don’t go for the quadruple lutz! You were lucky four years ago, but remember what you did last year in the Nationals? You fell flat on your ass!” Yon reminded her. “I’m gonna have fun this time, Yon. For the first time in the Olympics, I’m gonna have fun because I finally got everything that I’ve wanted. This is it. After this skate, I’m done. I’ve won the gold this year.” Yon nodded his head with approval and a slight smile. Scott had a puzzled look on his face. “You haven’t skated yet.” “Oh yes I DO HAVE the gold,” she took Scott in her arms. “He’s right here and I’m never gonna let him go,” she sniffled. “I have five gold medals. Now I want some babies. Will you marry me?” “Yes!” said Scott surprised. “I love you, Jen with every bone in my body.”

Scott and Jenny kissed passionately as a couple of Olympic officials walked up to Yon to let him know that his skater was next. When they were done kissing, Yon tapped Jen on the shoulder. “Well then,” said Yon, “You’ve got one more skating duty. As you said, have fun.” He smiled widely. As her named was announced, Kilmer skated onto the ice with the biggest grin she ever had on her face. The crowd’s applause had never been louder for America’s Sweetheart. Kilmer could not hold back the tears of joy. She knew it was her last skate. Jenny Kilmer had won the gold even before her program. She won the gold medal in love.




Abundance is a feeling

This question and answer interview was done by Kathy Smith, one of Michael's loyal Virtual Assistants. Visit her website.

Q: Michael, many times during your teleclasses and seminars, you say "abundance is a feeling." Can you elaborate on that statement - what do you mean it's a feeling?

First one of the important things that we've come to learn with the Law of Attraction is that we can duplicate feelings. In other words, just through the words I use I can stimulate somebody or discourage them. In short, we can create feelings within ourselves and within others by what we say and what we think.

Abundance is a feeling. Do you ever notice how excited you feel when you know you have a check coming or when you know you're getting an income tax refund? The excitement you're experiencing is the feeling of abundance. We feel abundant knowing that it's coming, even before we put it in the bank. So a question to ask is, "Do I feel abundant knowing that I'm receiving some money or do I feel abundant only when I put it in my bank account?" For most people, they feel abundant knowing that it's coming. It has nothing to do with whether that have it or not.

So because abundance is a feeling, and the Law of Attraction responds to feelings (vibrations), what if we were able to duplicate the vibration of abundance deliberately? (This is what's called Deliberate Attraction). We've come to understand that this powerful force called the Law of Attraction is constantly checking to find a vibration that we're sending and duplicates it by giving us more of the same. So what if when the Law of Attraction is checking at every moment, that in that moment, we are offering the vibration of abundance? Given the formula, the Law of Attraction would duplicate that vibration and bring us more of the same. That's why it's called the Law.

Q: How do you teach people to attract more abundance?

The Law of Attraction does not care why you are offering a vibration. In other words, it does not care whether you are remembering, pretending, complaining, creating, day-dreaming or observing your reality. It obediently duplicates that vibration. So ideally, we would find something that makes us feel abundant and include it more often in our daily vibration. There are a number of tools that people can use to duplicate the vibration of abundance. I'll give you one of them today.

Q: How do you record abundance in your own life?

On my fridge, I have 15 - 2 dollar winning lottery tickets. So I can clearly and truthfully say I won the lottery 15 times last month. I'm a winner. Look how many times I've won! It's worth 30 dollars to me in the bank and it's worth much more to me vibrationally.

You know when people buy those lottery scratch tickets? Most would celebrate the win for 21 seconds. So for 21 seconds, you are offering the vibration of abundance by saying things like, "Hey I just won 2 dollars! I love it when I win scractch tickets!" And after the short offering of abundance vibration, most people cash the ticket in again and again until they lose. And now they catch themselves saying, "I just wasted money on this lottery again. I only ever win 2 dollars. Easy come, easy go." Now they're in a place of offering a negative vibration.

So here's how to take advantage of the 2 dollar winning lottery ticket. Don't cash it. Keep it in your wallet. Put it on your fridge. And as you look at it each time, it will be a brief reminder that you won 2 dollars. Now you can tell yourself, I won the lottery! I won money this week! And now, for more than 21 seconds, you are offering the vibration of abundance over and over and over again. Your 2 dollar winning lottery ticket is worth more to you vibrationally than the 2 dollars.




Acceptance!

I was first thinking , when exactly does one start to yearn for acceptance?

 Is it when we are born?

 Is it when we first feel the pain of non-acceptance?

 Is it when we begin to be challenged in sports?

 Is it when we fall into the ever talked about `peer pressure`?

 Is it when we fall  in love?

 Is it when we start a new job?

 Is it when we become a new member of a family?

 Is it when we move to a new city or country?

 Is it when we write our very first book?

 I believe it is all of the above, when people  feel the need to be accepted, they will do leaps and bounds to succeed in this quest.

 Athletes and body builders will take drugs to win..winning=acceptance.

 When we fall in love , our entire being wants to feel accepted by our mate.

 Authors will spend hours and hours to write the exact words to please their readers and go to great lengths to publish their creation.

 Becoming a new member of a family whether it be through marriage or adoption will create a need to be nurtured as one who genuinely belongs.

 Starting a new job is a definite acceptance need, we need to fit in so we can relax and apply ourselves 100% to our job.

  Moving to a new country or city or even just a new neighbourhood, is very challenging for us and to be accepted and fit in, is a very important step in our settling in. 

  Lets not forget` Peer Pressure` , that's a tough one, children just getting started in high school suffer the most with this one, hormones are swinging and their emotions are so sensitive. The fears that they have struggle with for the year before is all up front and  they have a whole lot of reality to deal with. To fit in and be accepted by their peers is more than half the battle.

  Being a baby has a world of need to be accepted and see our parents smile when we please them.

  The pain of non acceptance for the first time cuts like a knife. It wounds us for life, creating a scar that we grow with forever.

  All these worries ,  needs and desires are in all of us that live and breathe.  Some of us feel the hunger for acceptance less than others.  Some of us cannot live with out acceptance , we become obsessed in our thinking, trying anything we can to fit in.

  Do you read the words "self esteem" in anything I have written here today. Yup and it is in every sentence. The need for acceptance somehow effects our self-esteem which in turns affects our emotional stability where jealousy , worry and anxiety seed from.. If you know the feeling of non-acceptance or low self-esteem, then you know how controlled you are by the worry that follows them and how much of your life is imprisoned by that other mind.

 Low self-esteem and non-acceptance are exactly that, `another mind` and one can actually feel them at war . It reminds me of the good devil and bad devil scenario. Trust me here it is no fun for the person that is imprisoned by it, not only do they have to balance the two minds, but they also have the guilt that they feel when they see what the result of the battle in their heads is doing to the people around them. The constant questions that one faces as in  my blog  FEELINGS!!!!  are an added pain to the already lonely tortured person.

 So if anyone out there knows a person that suffers  from non-acceptance or low self-esteem, HUGG  them and please try to have more patience and understand that they are not having a picnic and that if just saying , "stop it" or "just don`t think about it"  could  stop it, they would in a heart beat. We all need support and acceptance to get us through our lows. Kicking someone when they are down, never ever helps them to get up. 

 I am doing what I can through my web site and my blog to help educate people and help them understand what low self-esteem is all about and how very intense and serious it is.  If any of you ever have any questions, please contact me or leave me a comment and I will do my best to answer it.




Alone But Not Lonely
 


In today’s fast paced society, we’ve become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. But the main thing we wish to elude is loneliness. Solitude does not have to alienating or lonesome. In fact, solitude and loneliness are distinctly separate.

The death of a loved one or the inability to find people who understand you can leave you feeling isolated. Webster’s dictionary plainly describes loneliness as “being without companions.” It’s natural to experience an emptiness while longing for love or acceptance. Loneliness is therefore an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not one is physically alone.

It was Geoffrey F. Fisher who said, “In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.”

We tend to fill loneliness with all types of distractions. For example, some single women would rather spend a Friday night with a man they have no genuine interest in, than spend the night alone. They long for a way of killing time while they await the man they are actually seeking. Then there are young adults who are involved in cliques where they can’t really relate to their companions. However, they would rather feel accepted on a superficial level than risk feeling outcast. So what is it about being alone that scares us?

Do not be spooked by the unfamiliarity of silence. Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Only when we are alone, can we have the space and peace we need to think without being outwardly influenced. It therefore becomes easier to make important decisions as well as identify whatever feelings are culminating within.

Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself. Let the peace and understanding you find better equip you for the commotion of today’s world



An Article On Perfectionism


What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is defined as a meticulous drive to attain excellence. A perfectionist is one who has this characteristic.

'Perfectionism' is a most prevalent belief in our civilization. Notice that I used the word 'belief'.

Everywhere in this world of ours, perfectionism is regarded as good and desirable while imperfection is deem as bad or negative. Everybody wants everybody else to be perfect. Bosses want their employees to be flawless on the job. Parents want their kids to be the best. Perfectionists want their work and themselves to be perfect.

Since it is so strongly regarded as being positive, is Perfectionism really an absolute or universal value? In my opinion, it is not so.
To me, it is relative and is born of human conception. Perfection is an idea. It is an idea of a perceived ideal state of affair. However, things are the way they are. For every circumstances, the truth is what is at each instance. Perfection and imperfection are therefore merely attached values.

I am not suggesting that perfectionism is not good. I am suggesting that perhaps perfectionism can cast a controlling net over our expression of happiness. One can reach the required goal with or without being a perfectionist. To be a perfectionist, on the other hand, leave very little room for one to accept and love oneself unconditionally when a desired goal is not met. And when our desires are not met, we feel unhappy or cannot be fully satisfied. However, the truth is we only have each moment of the Present Moment to live in. By being perfectionist, our mind will be forever planning and thinking about the future or lamenting about what went wrong in the past. Because of these tendencies, many perfectionists are unable to feel satisfaction because in their perception they never seem to do things good enough to warrant that feeling of contentment.
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